The New Adolescence by Christine Carter PhD

Author:Christine Carter, PhD
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781948836791
Publisher: BenBella Books, Inc.
Published: 2019-12-16T16:00:00+00:00

Express Empathy

Kids and teens are much more likely to listen to us if they feel understood. Resist the urge to give advice or to finger-wag about getting more sleep. These two things tend to create defensiveness and resistance to our great ideas. Instead, reflect back to them their position on things.

We need to show our kids, for example, that we understand that everyone in their class is sleep-deprived, especially the ones who seem to be doing the best. We need to show them that we understand how hard it is to fit everything in, and that it’s hard to balance school and work and friends and volunteering and athletics and family demands. It’s hard to fight the natural urge to stay up later that comes during adolescence. No one is saying this is easy.

In our family, we still mandate the bedtimes of our younger teens, and so they need a different type of empathy: It’s hard to have parents who are still enforcing bedtime when so many of their peers are staying up much later (which we know from the activity on their phones). This makes them feel excluded socially and like they’re being treated like a little kid. The most obvious way to express empathy is to mirror what they are saying (see page 59).

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